Book Review – Love & Respect

October 8th, 2009 by Gallagher John 1 Comment

I just finished reading Love & Respect, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

I picked this book up while walking around Family Christian Bookstore one day and I have to admit that at first, I bought it more for my wife than me! Then, as I started it, I was reminded of a verse from Matthew 7:3 – “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s(wife’s!) eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”(NIV) – OUCH! I also had seen a review done by Michael Hyatt, CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing, on his blog about the book.

The theme of the book revolves around the often mis-interpreted book in the Bible – Ephesians, and specifically verse 5:33 “However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (NIV). Ultimately, the author describes the problem as the Crazy Cycle:

So, after I got the big “plank” out of my own eye, I was ready to learn in the book.

It comes down to our basic needs:

1) The Love She Most Desires

2) The Respect He Desperately Needs

The author shares great stories from his seminars of husbands and wives looking for the answers. I found myself laughing out loud and reading parts to Chris, saying “Here we are…wait til you hear this.” The most humbling ones were “Here I am. I know I do THIS one.”

The author used acronyms as ways for husbands and wives to come off the crazy cycle. Men, here is yours: C-O-U-P-L-E = How to Spell Love to Your Wife.

C=Closeness O=Openness U=Understanding P= Peacemaking L=Loyalty E=Esteem

In each chapter, the author gave me all kinds of nuggets. And, ladies, he tried to help you as well with the acronym C-H-A-I-R-S

C=Conquest H=Hierarchy A=Authority I=Insight R=Relationship S=Sexuality

Now, this section was suggested just for the women, but I had to read it anyway. And, I nearly fell off the bed while reading one like when the author quips to the women, “Think about when you get out of the shower versus when he gets out of the shower. When you step out of the shower, he is all eyes, oblivious to everything else. But what happens when he steps out of the shower? You probably say something like, “Please stand on the bath mat.” or “Be careful! I just waxed the floor.”

I believe this is a great book for couples to read together to improve their marriage and really should be required reading BEFORE marriage. My takeaways included:

1) I need to be sure that I am showing unconditional love she desires all the time to my wife and not hold that love back if I don’t feel like I am getting the respect I need

2) My kids are watching and when they are dis-respectful to their mother, it is likely because I am not showing her the love she deserves in front of them

3) The Bible is so clear on this topic of marriage. I sometimes have too big of a plank in my own eye to see it.

There are so many nuggets in this book, it easily gets my highest rating: a “10 out of 10” dogear rating. Now, I know I could give MANY of these books out, but I don’t want anyone to feel I am telling them/hi,/her what they need to do. If you want to work to get off of the Crazy Cycle (by the way, it is always there. Nobody is perfect) and on to the Rewarded Cycle, then you should make the choice to buy this book and read it. If you make the choice, I know you will enjoy it! If you allow it, it could change your marriage and, thus, your life!

Are you ready to get off of the Crazy Cycle and on to the Rewarded Cycle?

  • Comet Aamodt

    My hubby and I are reading this right now for our Community Group. It's been great (hard, but great) so far!